Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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