before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
