can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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