Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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