Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize