I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
