My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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