she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
