Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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