ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
