Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
