talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
