I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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