Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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