dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize