He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
