a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
