Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
