He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
