i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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