...so i touched it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
