Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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