i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone signed my nipple.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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