Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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