My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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