Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
