Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
