i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
