The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
