The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
