You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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