real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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