His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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