I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
