so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
