what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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