I seem to have left my pride at pride
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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