Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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