for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
