That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize