its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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