Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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