Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize