i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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