But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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