I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize