got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize