I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
