He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
