I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
