So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
