So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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