Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
