If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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