just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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