In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
