That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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