So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
