Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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