i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
