I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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