so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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