If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
