Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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