We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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