it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
