no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
