If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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