Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize