Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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