Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
