You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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