still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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