I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
