And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
