yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
