yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
