I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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