The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
