census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
