dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
