The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
