i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bring money and cleavage
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
