She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
