Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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