Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
