He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
