Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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