5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
