funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
