I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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